When it is my responsibility
by Alexandria McLane
Summary: Some angsty femshep to line up my head canon.
1. Chapter 1

**Shepard was used to having the weight of the world on her shoulders. Hell, she was even used to recon missions and death at this point. However, this one was different. Earth fell, Palavan was falling, Tuchunka, and Rannoch. She was seeing some of the greatest species of the galaxy just hold it together. She was sure the Asari, the oldest council race would be faring better. But this was war.**

** After doing her rounds, she found herself in her loft checking her messages idly. "According to metabolic scan's on your armor you are more stressed out than the Skyllian Blitz, like more than Elysium, and the last time I talked to Anderson, he told me to watch you." She kept replaying the words over and over in her head. Joker was right, she was stressed out more than usual. She just hoped she could keep it together long enough to end this war once and for all. **

** Reluctantly she picked up the data pad that she received before Thessia. Truthfully it was the source of most of the stress she had. Shepard walked to the elevator and kept looking over the data pad. It stopped on the crew deck and she stepped out. The mess was empty, for once. She looked at Liara's door, and decided she needed a little longer before she could confront her closest friend. She instinctively started to walk toward the main battery, and she hit that sentence. That one sentence that changed everything.**

** She stopped, looked through the window of the med-bay where she and Chakwas had spoke about this earlier. If there was anyone on this ship that knew her the best, it wasn't Garrus, Liara or Tali; it was Chakwas. Their history goes back quite a bit. While she was under house arrest, before the reapers hit and took over Earth, Anderson sat down and had a heart to heart with her. It was then that she found out that Chakwas delivered her into this world. **

** Shepard walked into the med-bay, and say down for her procedure. A procedure that was still experimental, hell, the procedure didn't exist before now. She would feel better if Mordin were here, or if at least she could tell Garrus. **


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard emerged from the medbay two hours later. She found herself sitting in the longue downing some Ryncol with that data pad still with her. She just wanted to drink herself into oblivion. Today was just not her day.

She downed another shot of Ryncol and washed it down with some Asari wine she had picked up the last time she was at the citadel. She was starting to feel a nice buzz come on. Sighing she poured another glass of the potent Krogan liquor, and chugged it.

"That bad?" She heard the familiar duel toned voice of her favorite Turian.

"You don't know the half of it," she slurred a bit.

"I bet with a little more liquid courage you could tell me," Garrus said.

Truth be told, Shepard found Garrus incredibly gorgeous. She never had a thing fro aliens before and these feelings confused the fuck out of her. She nodded at the data pad that was sitting ominously between them. "You're answers lie approximately…" Shepard was slurring, scrunching her face trying to calculate the distance from his talon to the data pad.

"You smell that?" Garrus asked. This immediately alerted Shepard and she perked up scanning the room. Garrus chuckled. "Calm down, it's just the smoke from your ears". Shepard scoffed, took a shot and chased it with wine. Garrus, meantime, was looking over the data pad.

"This can't be right", he said simply.

"Sure is!" Shepard replied leaning onto Garrus.

"You said that they died, how can this be right?" Garrus asked.

"Or how could the Alliance not know" she said chugging the rest of her wine.

"You're kidding? The Hierarchy would have never let this happen. Background checks are done annually when you are military," Garrus stated his sub-harmonics giving off a slightly defensive tone. Shepard giggled, took another shot, swayed and fell to the floor.

Garrus was up and off his stool before she hit the ground. When it came to Shepard, he had her six on and off the battlefield. She wouldn't hit the ground on his watch.

"S'you…how's. Garrish yoush" She was slurring.

"Shhhhh" he purred into her ear. "It'll be alright. You're safe".

Shepard smiled and snuggled into his cowl. Garrus walked them both to the couch and laid her down softly. Shepard curled into a ball, and Garrus went to fetch her a blanket. When he returned, she was snoring lightly and that made his heart smile. He sat at her head with the data pad, Turian ale and settled himself. He would be her watch guard tonight; he knew she wouldn't want to be alone with this news.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard awoke in the middle of the night with a pounding headache. She sat up and saw Garrus passed out sitting at the end of the couch. She sighed, stood up and stretched out her sore body. She found that since the Cerberus upgrades, every part of her body took longer to 'wake up'. Opening her omni-tool she checked the time. It was time for the last part of her procedure. She looked back at Garrus and wondered if the risk she was taking was worth it.

"I'll bite her Jack, I know…" Garrus mumbled in his sleep. Shepard couldn't help but chuckle. She remembered that day at Grissom Academy vividly. It was one of the better recon's she had done. Either way, Shepard decided that this was totally worth it, but before she left for the med bay she kissed Garrus's head softly.

_Four hours later_

Shepard was sitting at her desk writing the report from Thessia. She felt like shit. Everything hurt, she couldn't get warm, and she had an urge to just throw something as hard as she could at the wall. She sighed as her door opened and Garrus stepped through.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Been better. I just can't get over the fact that I was too distracted on Thessia and that fucker got away. This is all on me, but watching Thessia fall and knowing it was my responsibility". She responded.

Garrus looked at her thoughtfully and pulled her up from her chair and held her. He knew she would blame herself. "Distracted or not, it wasn't pretty down there. I doubt even if you were on you're A-game we could have pulled off…"

"NO!" Shepard yelled as she pushed herself away and began pacing. "The fact of the matter is that I overlooked my duty. I should be demoted for that!" She said slightly hysterical. Garrus wasn't sure what he should do. He thought that she would calm down for sure in his arms. "Unless" he heard Shepard say. "Unless, it was a trap and I was lured there to….ohhh he is devious. That fucker knew I would react like this, he knew!"

"Uh, sure, that could be a plausible reason. Make the biggest threat feel inferior so that he could fly under the radar and complete his own plans" Garrus replied.

"Well, the Illusive Man won't get away with it this time. We are on our way to his base right now. I can't wait to drop into his office and take off his fucking head!" She said curling her hands into a fist.

Garrus walked over to her and placed a talon under her chin so she looked up at him. When her big hazel eyes met his, all the pain melted away and she smiled up at him. Garrus leaned his forehead to hers and purred. She closed her eyes and leaned up to give him a soft kiss, and purred in return.

Before they knew it Edi was making them aware that they were an hour away from the base. Shepard lay with her head on Garrus's chest, and he was just playing with her hair. "You know we should talk about what that data pad said," Garrus said softly.

"You know, I keep thinking back to Grissom and it all makes sense now." She replied not moving.

"It was it little uncanny how much you look like her," Garrus said.

"What gets me is that if Anderson ever knew, he did a damn good job of hiding it". Shepard said as she got up out of bed. Garrus couldn't help was stare at her naked back. She looked like a vision you would only dream of, if Turians dreamed about humans.

"She was concerned about him," Garrus said softly. Shepard put on her robe and leaned over her desk to check her messages. Garrus thanked the spirits that Shepard loved him so much because he was getting another show as her robe undid itself and Shepard didn't even bother to fix it.

"I remember the conversation with her like it was yesterday," she said.

_"Admiral Anderson said you were the best, and I need the best," Kahlee Sanders said._

_"You know Admiral Anderson?" Shepard questioned side glancing at Garrus. Her concern was written all over her face._

_"Yeah, God…we met about twenty years ago…" Kahlee trailed off looking at Shepard intently, then shaking her head. "When he was a Spectre candidate. David saved my life, in more ways than one..." She trailed off again looking off to the distance. "If we get out of here, well, just tell him to stay alive."_

"She mentioned it was about twenty years ago right? And you're what 27 human years old?" Garrus asked as Shepard chuckled coming back over to the bed and straddled his small waist on top of the covers, robe still hanging open. Garrus moved his arms to rub her legs, and gazed at her.

"I guess I never thought about it that way before. But you know what else strikes me as odd?" She said placing her hands over his and intertwining her inner three fingers with his.

"Hmmmm?" Garrus replied lazily.

"If you were any other man, your hands would either be here, or here," she moved one of their hands to her groin and another to her breast. "But with you, I feel like everything doesn't have to always be so, you know, sexual." Garrus sat up and wrapped his arms around her petite frame.

"I'm not a man, I am a Turian," he simply replied as he pulled her down next to him. "And don't think for a minute it didn't cross my mind, you are irresistible."

"I just can't believe that I am genetically Anderson's daughter," Shepard said.


	4. Chapter 4

_30 Years Prior_

"Sir, the files you requested are here," said some random female over the com unit.

"Have Henry Lawson bring them to me," a very gruff, estranged, Michael Udina said. He thought that at if the Alliance didn't take him seriously, that maybe he could make them listen. At this point he was willing to try anything, and his long time friend had just the idea.

Henry walked in with the list of names that were pulled from various Alliance databanks. He looked down at the names and shook his head. He knew he shouldn't be working with Michael, he was a bit too radical for him, but without a wife he had nothing to live for. This was his only chance at something more, a family. He walked briskly to the bland office and handed off the list.

The younger, conniving, rash Udina smiled. "Thank you Henry. You know, if this works, you can have the family you have always dreamt of having and more." Michael said as he caught his reflection in the window.

"I am looking very much forward to it Michael." Henry said.

"You know, from now on, you can call me the Illusive Man".

Today

With an hour left to the Illusive Man's base, Shepard and Garrus were consumed the fish tank illuminated the dense hollow of their, now shared, quarters. Garrus sat on the couch replaying the conversation about her parents over and over in his head. It didn't make sense, Shepard may have had the crystal blue eyes of Kahlee Sanders, but she looked nothing like her birth father.  
As if he was unsure of himself, Garrus looked up to gaze at his beloved. She looked so focused on whichever report she was writing up at the moment.  
"Catching up on old reports?" Garrus asked.  
"Yeah" Shepard barely managed to choke out.  
He knew that voice. It wasn't a Turian sub-harmonic, but it was damned close. This was the voice of a woman, no, HIS mate in distress. It took all of four steps from his position on the couch to her desk, for him to place a hand on her shoulder.  
"Talk to me"  
"I want to, but it's just not ready to be said yet" She said.  
"Well, when you are, you know where I will be." Garrus said walking out of the cabin. Shepard watched the door close and waited for the sound of the elevator to start. Then she threw the god forsaken data pad through her collection of models. Shattering the old SR-1 to pieces.  
"Fitting" She said aloud to no one, and got up herself to suit up for the next mission.


	5. Chapter 5

Days turned into night with nothing more than a speck of dust. There was no sun, no moon, and definitely no stars. Shepard sat down in an abandoned store front, unsure of where her ground team was. Last she saw, Garrus was at her six, Tali to the left and James to her right. Then three banshee's flanked them and that was that.  
Shepard put her head in her hands and leaned over. These dizzy spells were getting worse. She really wished Mordin were here right now. At least he would have had something synthesized for her symptoms. Unfortunately, Chakwas didn't want to take any risks, seeing as this was experimental as it were. Garrus stepped up behind her, in the lull of activity and rubbed her back. That's all it took, and Shepard threw up her guts.  
"Spirits, are you sure you are alright? This is the most I've seen you get sick like this." Garrus asked concerned.  
Shepard wiped her mouth, "Yeah, I am fine. Don't worry about it."  
"Shepard, I know you do not like to let everyone know you are, well, human, but this is me we are talking about."  
"I'm alright Garrus." Shepard said getting up. Garrus couldn't help it. He loved her more than anything, and he had already lost her once. He wasn't about to let that happen again. He pulled her close to him and between their bulky armor, he could barely feel her, but he knew she was there, and that is all he needed.  
The embrace was barely enough to keep Shepard from losing her emotions. She thought, 'I hope this works' as she looked at her midsection. However, before she could get emotional, a brute broke through the wall and pulled her right back to reality.

"Dr. Chakwas, there is someone calling himself Enoch on the line". Chakwas looked up from her datapads at the random nurse, and nodded. She keyed in the password to the encrypted com channel.  
"Procedure successful?"  
"As far as we know." She replied.  
"Shepard needs to be wary of physical activity. Could be problematic."  
"She knows, but there is little we can do right now." Chakwas said rubbing her forehead. "Tell me, when can you take this over? I really do not need this on top of my other projects." She asked.  
"Cannot tell. Much to be done." Enoch said before the line went dead. Chakwas smiled, then sighed. She sure as hell hoped he would make it back to see this through. She had no idea what to do, or what she could do, if this worked.

Garrus was on the platform of the Normandy, being held up by James. He saw Shepard, he heard her say to get out of here and before he could think he was replying. "You have GOT to be kidding me" he spouted.  
"Don't argue Garrus" Shepard said, and then winced, curling in on her abdomen.  
"We're in this together. No Shepard without Vakarian" Garrus said. Then her hand was on his scarred mandible.  
"Trust me, I have every reason to come back" she said with a smile on her face. She took his free hand placed it on her stomach. He looked up at her, and there were no words to be said. Without another utterance she was off, running toward that beam. He watched her go, and turned to James.  
"I need medi-gel, dextro and levo and an intense pain killer for me." James didn't need to ask, and he and Tali both were off. The Normandy etched up above the reaper and Garrus knew Joker was patched in to hear it all. James came back in record time with everything he needed plus an extra first aid field kit. Then the Normandy rocked when everything when white. Garrus clutched the med kit and fell. The Normandy recovered and hovered feet from the ground.  
"GO! GO! GO!" Joker said, and that was all Garrus needed. He leapt and was just in time to see Shepard and Anderson both go up through the beam. He ran as fast as he could and he could see the beam losing its charge and he lept.


	6. Chapter 6

_Lazarus Project_

"Sir, you said she was genetically created. I am going to need her records so I can do the work you suggested." Miranda commented looking through her notes.

"All you need to know is that she needs to be a powerful Adept, and have immunities to all species in case they make an attempt on her life." The Illusive Man commented dryly.

"As you wish".

Shepard awoke on a strange area of the citadel. "Anderson, you up here too?" She asked, allowing her eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"Followed you up, but we didn't come out in the same place- at least I don't think we did. What's your surrounding?" Anderson replied in obvious pain.

Garrus fell onto the ground in a heap. He heard Anderson and tried to tap into the signal, but he was jammed by something. He took a moment to look over himself for injuries, but apparently the journey through the beam didn't affect him at all. Through the com line he hears Shepard grunt in pain.

"You ok?" Anderson asks, hearing Shepard struggle to breath.

"I feel like death", Shepard barely finishes as she vomits then gasps for breath. She gets to her feet and takes a few painstaking steps. "But, I'm moving. It's dark- there's human remains scattered."

"Sounds familiar. I'm in a dark hallway. Reminds me of your description of the Collector base." Anderson replies.

"Makes sense." She breathed out. She bent over and placed her hands on her knees. Her head spinning. She had to keep going, for Garrus.

"You think they were making a reaper here?" Anderson asked. That comment stopped Garrus in his tracks. He surveyed his surroundings noticing all the human remains. Flashbacks of the tubes they found the crew in, flashed in his mind. She shook his head, his resolve stronger. 'Get to Shepard' he muttered to himself.

Shepard grunted into another coughing fit. "Sure. they round them up on Earth, then send them up here to be processed." Hearing her voice made Garrus flange his subharmonics in pain. He was almost to her, he knew it!

"God damn abomination. I'm going to keep moving. the sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better. "Anderson muttered.

Garrus agreed silently, opening his omni-tool. He was surprised it still worked. There were three lifesigns. One that had to be Anderson to his left, and two to his right. 'Thank the spirits, they both survived that beam', he said aloud. Then he noticed the two lifesigns on Shepard had one that was growing faint. His adrenaline kicked in.

"The tubes don't go on forever, but where the hell are we?" Anderson asked.

'Hell' Garrus answered, knowing they couldn't hear him. Then he hears Shepard fall, barely able to breathe and cough again. He picked up the pace.

"Yeah. Doesn't look like any part of the citadel I've been to" she commented trying to keep herself positive. Garrus flicked his mandible in pride. 'That's my girl', he thought.

Shepard tripped lazily over her own feet, and wanted to give up. Her entire body hurt, and her blood was everywhere. A keeper skittered over to her and helped her up. Her eyes grew wide as she leaned on him for help. Then the keeper injected her with something. Little did she know that the Illusive Man was watching her every step. Afterall, he did create her, and knew she needed a little boost.

"Anderson?" Shepard said, her voice vaguely clearer than before.

The Illusive Man watched as the blip on his screen, denoting Garrus, was creeping closer to Shepard. "This will not do" he mumbles and presses a button. Shepard, Anderson and Garrus all hear low rumblings, and the ground shakes all around them.

"One of the walls here just shifted. It's changing." Anderson commented. Garrus looked at his omni-tool and realized that as Anderson and Shepard got closer to the center of the structure, he got further away. He growled and turned around to sprint to where he was.

"There's a chasm here, and more hallways like the one I was in." Anderson commented getting closer to the center.

"I think I'm near an exit." Shepard replied. Garrus seethed, he had been there a moment ago, before the place decided to change on him.

"I see something up ahead, might be a way to cross over." Anderson said keeping Shepard up to date. Shepard chuckled a little, and it made Garrus's heart fly. 'She's going to be ok' he thought.

"Don't get too far ahead of me", she replied.

"Where do you think you're at?" Anderson asked.

"Just found that chasm you were talking about-" She started to reply before coughing. Garrus starts to push his limits to get to Shepard. He sees that chasm again, and pauses for a moment to catch his breath.

The Illusive Man sees that Garrus is getting closer to Shepard, and presses another button. The ground under Garrus begins to rumble again, and he curses to himself. The Illusive Man smiles and cackles. "Won't be saving the day this time Turian."


End file.
